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CANONICAL LISTS.

18 Things Not to Say to a Cop. 17 Signs You Need a New Lawyer. 27 Things You Should Never Do Aboard the Space Shuttle. 37 Inevitable Things About Hollywood Movies. 29 Children's Books You Will Never See. 258 Things To Do When You're Bored. The Effects of Senior Citizens in Space. Things that Sound Dirty, but Aren't. 107 Good Reasons Why Beer is Better than Women. 172 Ways to Satisfy Men and Women Every Time. What Your Car Says About You. 66 Musician Jokes (in score order). Are You Feeling Old? 34 Lawyer Jokes. 118 Medical Transcription Bloopers. 47 Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Than Women, and Others. 20 Ways to Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stall-Mate. 15 West Point Jokes. 25 Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served at Work. 114 Ways to Tell If You're Stuck the the '80's. 55 Signs You’re Lost Between a Baby Boomer and a Gen X’er. 100 Reasons It’s Great to Be a Guy. 50 Oxymorons. The World's 20 Shortest Books. 46 Stephen Wright One-Liners. 50 Fun Things to Do in a Final that Does Not Matter. 27 Types Of People In The Men's Room. 61 “The Old Never Die...” Jokes. 59 “She Was Only The...” Jokes. Ten Things Not to Say to a Highway Patrolman. Restroom Gothic. Rejected U.S. State Mottoes. 58 Metaphors for Stupidity. 74 Signs That You Might Be an Engineer. 68 Questions With No Answers. 267 Ways to Kill B-rn-y. 101 Ways to Get Flamed on Usenet. 87 Telephone Answering Machine Messages. 136 Redneck Jokes. 99 "Mommy, Mommy!" Jokes. 25 Ways to Annoy Your Professors. 39 Signs That You Are Too Drunk. 50 Ways Women Drive Men Crazy. 147 Guaranteed-To-Fail Pickup Lines. 100 Zany Ways to Phone In a Pizza Order. 40 Things "Independence Day" Taught Us About Aliens. 28 of Dilbert’s Laws of Work. Hometown Signs 25 Signs You're From Michigan. 25 Signs You're From North Jersey. 98 Signs You're From Long Island. 20 Signs You're From Philadelphia.

 

WHAT COULD BE SO HARD ABOUT ONES AND ZEROS?

Chain Letter of Death. Vacation Pay. Bill Gates’ Home: Powered By Windows Windas 98. Love, Redmond Style.  Urgent Computer Virus Bulletin. Nerd Season. Two Digits for a Date. Error Message Haiku. Remember When... Those Were the Days. 16 Things that Bill Gates Would Change If He Was from Alabama. 32 Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life. Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusations. The Year-2000 Problem Has Been Solved! What Computer Acronyms Really Mean. Ten Signs You’ve Bought a Lousy Computer. Here Comes Santa Claus Right Down Bill Gates Lane. Computer Glossary. Real Programmers Don’t... Why Software Developers are Like Drug Dealers. Is It Better to Be a Jock or a Nerd? Attention, AOL User! A Computer a Day Keeps the Doctor Away. Job Opportunity for Web Developers. A Flowchart For Covering Your Ass. IBM Memo About Peripheral Replacement. *101 Ways to Get Flamed on Usenet. God Creating Heaven and Earth on His Computer. The History of DOS. Bill Gates Meets the Pearly Gates. Ask Dr. Internet. Fun Computer One-Liners. Why Computers are Male and Compilers are Female. GirlFriend 1.0 GirlFriendPlus 1.0 Upgrade. GirlFriend 1.0 Tech Support. GirlFriendPlus 2.0 - 4.0 Upgrade. Tales of Technical Support Frequently Asked Questions for Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support. If Microsoft Built Cars... Tales of the Techinically Challenged. Sound Like Someone You Know? Sad but True Stories of Computer Tech Support Teams. Ma Bell’s Helpline of the Future. Helpline for People Who Buy Cars Like Computers. Computer Problem Report Form.

 

FUNNY BUSINESS.

You're Not Getting a Job That Way. Thank You for Using AT&T. The Bull and the Turkey. Lucky 13. Always Look for the Union Label. Guide to Safe Fax. One Fine Day in the Office Building... Jesus & Finkelstein. Equal Opportunity Employer. Today's Stock Market Report. How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace. Special High Intensity Training. Prison vs. Work. The Art of Negotiation. Things to Say if You're Caught Sleeping at Your Desk. HMO FAQ. Excuses, Excuses. Military Evaluations. Read Between the Lines... *25 Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served at Work. A Dozen Accountant Riddles. Résumé Bloopers. Employer Talk. Applicant Speak. Don’t Worry, We Retain Applications for Six Months. Rejection Letter. Big Boss Man. It’s Miller Time. Fly the Friendly Skies. *Job Opportunity for Web Developers. A Flowchart For Covering Your Ass. Don’t Trust the Spellchecker. If Noah’s Ark Was Built According to Air Force Procedure. A Notice to All Employees: How to Fill Out Employee Evaluations. From the Desk of S. Claus. Top 17 Signs You Work in Public Accounting. *28 of Dilbert’s Laws of Work. Corporate Advertising  Corporate Jingles & Slogans, As Translated. What Automakers’ Names REALLY Mean.

 

HOW DO YOU LIKE SCHOOL?  CLOSED!

Hello Mudda, Hello Fodda. History of the World. One Fine Day in Alabama... Fine Dorms. The First Realizations that You’re Not in College Anymore. *50 Fun Things to Do in a Final that Does Not Matter. The Great American Novel. 28 Signs You’re Suffering from Semester Burnout. Universal Grade Change Form. Top Ten Ways to Get Thrown Out of the Chemistry Lab. College News. The College Food Chain. *25 Ways to Annoy Your Professors. Why God Never Received Tenure at the University. What Is a Frat?

 

	MATHEMATICAL PROOFS.
	Prove: Stupid People Make More Money. Deductive Reasoning. Prove: A Twinkie Is Not Food. Prove: Hell is Exothermic. Why We’re All So Damn Tired. Prove: Horses Have an Infinite Number of Legs. Prove: Santa Does Not Exist.

 

EYES ON YOUR OWN PAPERS, PLEASE.

Election Day. Where is Your Mind? Are You A Jerk? Male Urinary Etiquette Test. So You Think You Know “Seinfeld”... Are You a Real Guy? by Dave Barry. Hard Quiz. The Idiot Test. GAT (Gangsta Aptitude Tess). City of New York IQ Math Proficiency Exam. Inner-City Vocabulary Homework. Driving Exam. Fun (and Eerily Accurate) Psychological Tests  The Pig Test. Love Test. Personality Test. Names & Numbers Test. Your Favorite Color is the Key to Your Sexual Life.

 

	YOU HAVE TO PLAY BY THE RULES.
	*Male Urinary Etiquette Test. The Five Stages of Drinking. Unnatural Laws. Rules of Bedroom Golf. The Shotgun Act of 1994.

 

FUN WITH LANGUAGE.

Rules for Writers. Anagrams. Women's and Men's English. Hebrewglyphics. *Special High Intensity Training. The George Costanza Dictionary. You Don't Know Jack Schitt... *Error Message Haiku. *Remember When... Useful Phrases to Know When Traveling in Arab Countries. Herpes Information. National Poetry Contest. When Good Dogs Go and Crossbreed. English Lessons. The All-Purpose Word. One Fine Day on the Bus... Translation Guides  Philology of Ezekiel 25:17. *Computer Glossary. *Inner-City Vocabulary Homework. Blonde-English Medical Dictionary. *Corporate Jingles & Slogans, As Translated. *A Notice to All Employees:

 

STRANGE STORIES FROM REAL LIFE.

Wanted for Attempted Murder. Seven Second Delay. Things Actually Said in Court. Sorry, That’s Classified. In The Navy. How Not To Get Clothes Springtime Fresh. Attention, This Is Your Captain Speaking... Why America Needs Tort Reform. What To Do If Attacked By a Snake. Real Stories of the Highway Patrol. We'll Form a Commission Right Away. *History of the World. More Stupid Real-Life Stories. Travel Agent Stories. Hey Super, Come Fix My Apartment! Actual Answers Given by "Family Feud" Contestants. Actual Signs. Actual Foreign Signs. Hotel Soap. *Military Evaluations. Are Those Bugle Boy Jeans You’re Wearing? Coffee Especialle. Hey Fido, It’s For You. *Résumé Bloopers. The Toilet Police, by Dave Barry. Barbisaur. Diagnosis: Funny. Real Stories From the Emergency Room. *It’s Miller Time. *Fly the Friendly Skies. Taco Bell & the $2 Bill. Nostradamus Wannabes. *Corporate Jingles & Slogans, As Translated. How Hugh Gallagher Got Into NYU. *Driving Exam. What Fools These Mortals Be.  How Not To Commit a Bank Robbery. That’s Why They Call It a Jack-O-Lantern. The Idiots Are Coming! The Idiots Are Coming!  Bizarre! *The Idiot Test. Stupid Crooks Hall of Fame. The Darwin Awards. 1999 Honorable Mention. 1997 Nominees.  1996 Winner.  1996 Nominees.  1995 Winner.  1995 Nominees.

 

STRANGE STORIES, NOT FROM REAL LIFE.

One Fine Day at the Florist... Half Days. Mirror Mirror on the Wall. Secret Agent Man. Hit and Run. Look for the Union Label. Road Trip. One Fine Evening at McSorley's... Currency Exchange. Welcome to Hell. Jackass! One Fine Day in the United Kingdom... Fender Bender. One Fine Day in San Francisco... One Fine Day at the Local Pub... Working for Peanuts. Fantasy Island. One Fine Day in Switzerland... Blue Light Special. God Money, I'll Do Anything For You, Part II. One Fine Evening at the 19th Hole... One Fine Day on the Links... One Fine Day Near the Frozen Tundra... How to Choose a Contractor. In Sickness and in Health. An Ocean of Wheat. One Fine Evening at Reverend McGillicuddy's House... How to Train a Parrot. Clowning Around. Do You Know How Fast You Were Going? Depressed Farmer. A Wild Ride. This'll Ring a Bell... Viagra® Side Effects. Itchy & Scratchy. The Grasshopper and the Ant. One Fine Day at the Cleveland Symphony... Viagra® Spinoffs. Teaching Math. Titanic Magic. Funny, I Don't Smell Anything. *Deductive Reasoning. One Fine Day in the Louvre... Meow Mix. They Don’t Call Them the Pearly GATES for Nothing. Accessories Not Included. Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall... Never Underestimate the Pope. It’s Dark In Here, Isn’t It? One Fine Day on the Lake by the Church... Have You Been Drinking Tonight, Son? One Fine Day Somewhere in the Caribbean... Or Did You Change Your Name to Jack Daniels? One Fine Day in the Grocery Store... And You Can Take That to the Bank. Yes, Officer, That Really Is My Picture. Late For Work. One Fine Day in New York City... One Fine Day at the Super Bowl... One Fine Day at the Gas Station... God Money, I’ll Do Anything For You... One Fine Day in the Local Pub... One Fine Day in the Drawing Room... Lunchtime! One Fine Day in the Job Market... Daddy? Gabbin’ About God. One Fine Day in Hell... One Fine Day On the Golf Course... Winter Diary. *Bill Gates Meets the Pearly Gates. Santa Fires the Reindeer. One Fine Day in the Bathroom...

 

LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS AND SUCH ROT.

One Fine Day at the Pearly Gates... Mommy's Balloons. Fits Like a Glove. In Case of Choking... Selective Hearing. Brand Name Condoms. Ed Zachary Disease. Genetics 101. One Fine Day at the Zoo... Training Courses for Men. Top 10 Things Men Know About Women. What's in a Name? One Hole Behind. Sauerkraut. Men's Views on Marriage. What Are Mothers For? A Real Cowboy? Drink-Like-a-Fish Story. We're a Little Slow in These Here Parts. Dear Abby. I'm the King of the World! A Horse Story. Ten Things to Do on Transgender Day. One Fine Day in School... A-Hunting We Will Go. *Sorry, That’s Classified. A Beer, A Female Beer... All Abuzz. *Love, Redmond Style. Christmas Dinner. *Women's and Men's English. The MasterCard Commercial All Men Are Waiting To See. What to Get for the Gal Who Has Everything? Male/Female Dictionary. *Things that Sound Dirty, but Aren't. It's Cheaper than Plastic Surgery. Raisin Bread. The Perfect Day. In the Beginning... Men and Women Riddles. A Mismatched Pair of Gloves. *107 Good Reasons Why Beer is Better than Women. *172 Ways to Satisfy Men and Women Every Time. Silence Is Deafening. Excedrin Headache Number 69. Woman: A Chemical Analysis. There's Always Another Way. Letter from God. Things You'll Never Hear Men and Women Say to Each Other. *47 Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Than Women, and Others. One Fine Night on I-69... When in Mars, Do as the Martians Do. Labor Day. *Are You a Real Guy? by Dave Barry. Kids Answer Questions about Love. One Minor Detail... Little Touch of the Virus. Keepin’ Them High. Key to Heaven. What Does “Courting” Mean? I Shall Grant You Three Wishes. Bad Sex. Happy Anniversary. An Elephant Never Forgets. Top Ten Things Men Shouldn't Say Out Loud in Victoria’s Secret. Sweet.. Miscellaneous Offensive Sex Riddles. Condom Slogans. Body Art. One Fine Day in Mom’s Kitchen... One Fine Day at the Art Exhibit... *Yes, Officer, That Really Is My Picture. The Sex Life of the Electron. Miscellaneous Sex Jokes. Why Some People Shouldn’t Get Married. 20 Reasons Why Chocolate is Better than Sex What They Say and What They Mean. 39 "Confucius Say" Jokes About Sex & Stuff. The Five Questions Women Ask That Get Men In Trouble. *50 Ways Women Drive Men Crazy. *Rules of Bedroom Golf. *147 Guaranteed-To-Fail Pickup Lines.

 

FACTOIDS & QUOTES & MISCELLANEOUS JOKES.

Horoscopes. Bill of No Rights. From the Mouths of Babes: Religion. Prayer for the Stressed. Remembering the Titanic. Real Advertisements. Kids' Instructions on Life. Forest Improvement Project. History of Giving the Middle Finger. Baby Boomers: Then and Now. Redneck License Application. 10 Things to Expect on January 1, 2000. Top 10 Star Wars Lines for Samuel L. Jackson. Sponsor a Player. How to Tell When Your Food Is Spoiled. What Is Politics? New FDA Warnings for Alcohol. Me Mudder. Commencement Speech, by Mike Blake. Commencement Speech #2. Letters Rejected by Dear Abby. The State Song of West Virginia. Seinfeldian Observations. The Dying Cub Fan's Last Request. Dr. Seuss' Lesser-known Books. Little Johnny Jokes. Ironic Predicted Celebrity Deaths. Charlie Brown Specials We’d Like to See. Our Favorite Ways to Annoy a Yankee. Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy. Deep Thoughts, NOT by Jack Handy. Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? Unfunny Jokes. Socket to ’em, by Dave Barry. Please Engage Brain Before Speaking: One-Liners and Other Quick Quips.  The Authoritative Points to Ponder. The Authoritative Unanswerable Questions. More Fun Bumper Stickers. Seen on Bumper Stickers. Even More Random Thoughts. One Liners to Get You Through the Day. Aphorisms. *Fun Computer One-Liners. Factoids.  Yet More Factoids. Factoids to Get You Through the Week. Some Really Weird Factoids.

 

HO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM.

The Story of the Angel. A Partridge in a Pear Tree! Just What I Always Wanted! Halloween Survival Guide. *Here Comes Santa Claus Right Down Bill Gates Lane. *Santa Fires the Reindeer. *Prove: Santa Does Not Exist. The 12 Drinks of Christmas. Holiday Fruitcake Recipe. ’Twas the Night Before Christmas...  Computer Version. Mafia Version. Legal Version. Adult Version. Poverty Version. Politically Correct Version. Washington DC Version. Ebonics Version. Another Ebonics Version.

 

	THE COMMANDER-IN-HEAT.
	One Fine Evening in Our Nation's Capital... Radio-on-Demand. Legal Defense Fund. One Fine Day at Camden Yards... Reuse, Reduce, Recycle. Forgive Me, For I Have Sinned. St. Peter Named Special Prosecutor. The Intern in the Hat. 20 Possible Titles for Monica Lewinsky's New Book. Green Interns and Ham. President Charming. The Old Father-Daughter Chat. Bill Clinton's Favorite Things. Bill Clinton One-Liners. Ice Cream Flavors Offered at White House State Dinners. George Washington and the Cherry Tree. Monica Lewinsky's Resume. What Clinton Wanted to Say After He Testified. Monica Lewinsky's Oral Statement. The Latest from the Lewinsky Scandal. Application for White House Internship. It's Either This or the Gum. 13 Changes at the White House Now That the Clintons Have a Dog. 44 Bill Clinton Jokes. Bill Clinton's Final Four® Picks.

 

	Jim's Joke Repository Is Sponsored In Part By: