The following instructions actually appear on product labels on your store's shelves...

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On Sears hair dryer:

Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap:

Directions: Use like regular soap.

Some Swann frozen dinners:

Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:

Fits one head.

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Tesco's Tirimisu Dessert, on the bottom of the box

"Do not turn upside-down."

Marks & Spencer's Bread Pudding

"Product will be hot, after heating."

Rowenta Steam Iron

"Do not iron clothes on body."

Boots Children's Cough Medicine

"Do not drive car or operate machinery."

Nytol, a sleep aid

"Warning: may cause drowsiness."

A Korean Kitchen Knife

"Warning: keep out of children."

Chinese-Made Christmas Lights

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

Japanese Food Processor

"Not to be used for the other use."

Sainsbury Peanuts

"Warning: contains nuts."

American Airlines, Nut Packet

"Instructions: open packet, eat nuts."

Swedish Chainsaw

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."

Sunmaid Raisins

"Why not try tossing over your favorite breakfast cereal?"