I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS

I'm on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.

I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS

I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.

I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION

I've used Microsoft Office.

I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE

I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES

I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK

I blame others for my mistakes.

I'M BALANCED AND CENTERED

I'll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi at lunch time.

I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR

I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.

I'M PERSONABLE

I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL

I carry a Day-Timer.

MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS

You're probably looking for someone more experienced.

I AM ADAPTABLE

I've changed jobs many times.

I AM ON THE GO

I'm never at my desk.

I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED

The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here.

I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING

I'm a college drop-out.

I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS

I've been accused of sexual harassment.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION

Wait! Don't throw me away!

I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON

I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your form letter thanking me "for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career."