The Authoritative Unanswerable Questions.

  1. Do witches run spell checkers?
  2. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  3. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
  4. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
  5. Can I yell “movie” in a crowded firehouse?
  6. If you work in a hospital, can you call in sick?
  7. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
  8. How do a fool and his money GET together?
  9. How do you know when its time to tune your bagpipes?
  10. Why do they call it a "TV set" when you only get one?
  11. Why are all the home ec. teachers divorced?
  12. Why do they call it a "bust" when it stops right before the part of the body you'd think it would have been named after?
  13. Why do they call them "buildings" when they're already done building them?
  14. How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?
  15. If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
  16. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  17. If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
  18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  19. If you throw a cat out the car window, does it become kitty litter?
  20. What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
  21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  22. Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds” fee on money they already know you don’t have?
  23. Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?
  24. Why do you need a driver's license to buy beer if you can't drink and drive?
  25. Why do they sell cigarettes at the gas station if you can't smoke there?
  26. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
  27. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  28. If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
  29. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  30. Why does a cowboy wear two spurs? If one side of the horse goes, so does the other.
  31. What are Preparation A through Preparation G?
  32. After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
  33. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
  34. Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?
  35. How come there aren’t B batteries?
  36. If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail by the thousands per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?
  37. How do “Do not walk on the grass” signs get there?
  38. Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?
  39. Is a metaphor like a simile?
  40. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
  41. How do I set my laser printer on stun?
  42. How is it possible to have a civil war?
  43. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  44. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  45. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
  46. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
  47. Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
  48. If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
  49. Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
  50. Crime doesn’t pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?
  51. Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
  52. How can there be self-help “groups?”
  53. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
  54. How do you know that honesty is the best policy until you have tried some of the others?
  55. How do you throw away a garbage can?
  56. How does a thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold?
  57. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
  58. Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
  59. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
  60. If Superman is so smart, then why does he wear his underpants on the outside of his trousers?
  61. If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
  62. What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
  63. Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
  64. Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing people is wrong?
  65. Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman’s chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
  66. What if the Hokey Pokey IS what its all about?
  67. What happened to the first 6 “ups?”
  68. What is the speed of dark?
  69. When you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
  70. How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
  71. What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
  72. After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
  73. What's another word for synonym?
  74. When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?
  75. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
  76. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
  77. Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
  78. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
  79. If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
  80. If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
  81. Why do noses run, and feet smell?
  82. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
  83. Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
  84. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
  85. How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
  86. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
  87. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
  88. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they are out walking around delivering the mail?
    Forwarded from Robert Kissell, Dave Wisneski, and Ronald Poserina, Jr.