The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
    —Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL - (not far from a major medical school)

Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
    —Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

If you can piss this high, join the fire department.
    —On the wall in the men's restroom at a height of 6 feet. O'Ryan's Irish Pub. Ashland, Oregon.

Beauty is only a light switch away.

—Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina.

—Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
    —Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
    —Armand's Pizza. Washington, D.C.

Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
    —Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia.

God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
    —The Irish Times. Washington, D.C.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
    —The Bayou, Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

No matter how good she looks, just remember: some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
    —Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

To do is to be. - Descartes
To be is to do. - Voltaire
Do be do be do. - Frank Sinatra
    —Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats. Scottsdale, Arizona.

At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
    —Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
    —Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona.

Make love, not war.
Hell, do both, get married!
    —Women's restroom, The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana.

God is dead. - Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. - God
    —The Tombs Restaurant. Washington, D.C.

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
    —Revolution Books. New York, New York.

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
    —Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas.

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
   Men's restroom, House of Representatives. Washington, D.C.

JESUS SAVES! But wouldn't it be better if he had invested?
    —Men's restroom, American University. Washington, D.C.

JESUS SAVES! And Mario takes it in for a score!!!
    —Men's restroom, Civic Arena. Pittsburgh, PA.