- You can enjoy a beer all month.
- Beer stains wash out.
- You dont have to wine and dine a beer.
- Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car.
- When beer goes flat you toss it out.
- Beer is never late.
- HANGOVERS go away.
- A beer doesnt get jealous when you grab another beer.
- Beer labels come off without a fight.
- When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
- Beer never has a headache.
- After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime.
- A beer wont get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
- If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head.
- You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
- A beer ALWAYS goes down easy.
- You can share a beer with your friends.
- You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer.
- A beer is always wet.
- Beer doesnt demand equality.
- A beer doesnt care when you come.
- You can have a beer in public.
- A frigid beer is a good beer.
- You dont have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
- Beer always comes in multiples of six.
- Beer doesnt mind being in the wet spot that IT left.
- You cant catch anything but a buzz from a beer.
- After you have a beer, youre committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle.
- A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty.
- When your beer is gone, you just pop another.
- You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod.
- Beer looks the same in the morning.
- Beer doesnt look you up in a month.
- Beer doesnt worry about someone walking in.
- Beer doesnt worry about waking the kids.
- Beer doesnt get cramps.
- Beer doesnt have a mother.
- Beer doesnt have morals.
- Beer doesnt go crazy once a month.
- Beer always listens and never argues.
- Beer labels dont go out of style every year.
- Beer doesnt whine, it bubbles.
- Beer doesnt have cold hands/feet.
- Beer doesnt demand legality.
- Beer is never overweight.
- If you change beers, you dont have to pay alimony.
- Beer wont run off with your credit cards.
- Beer doesnt have a lawyer.
- Beer doesnt need much closet space.
- Beer cant give your herpes or other nasty things.
- Beer doesnt complain about the way you drive.
- Beer doesnt mind if you fart or belch.
- Beer never changes its mind.
- Beer doesnt tease you or play hard to get.
- Beer never asks you to change the station.
- Beer doesnt make you go shopping.
- Beer doesnt tell you to mow the grass.
- Beer doesnt mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
- Beer is always easy to pick up.
- Big, fat beers are nice to have.
- Beer doesnt pout or play games.
- Beer NEVER says no.
- Beer is easy to get into.
- Beer never complains when you take it somewhere.
- Beer doesnt need to go to the powder room with other beers
- Beer doesnt wear a bra.
- Beer doesnt mind getting dirty.
- Beer doesnt complain about insensitivity.
- Beer doesnt use up your toilet paper.
- Beer doesnt live with its mother.
- Beer doesnt blow you off.
- Beer doesnt care if you have no culture or manners.
- Beer doesnt bitch, yell, or cry.
- Beer doesnt mind football season.
- A beer wont make you go to church.
- A beer is more likely to know how to spell carburetor than a woman.
- A beer doesnt think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
- A beer doesnt think DOS is pronounced dose.
- A beer doesnt give a fuck if you keep a bunch of other beers around.
- A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with babies are cute.
- If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
- A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say doberman instead of doberperson.
- A beer wont get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on your favorite radio station.
- A beer wont claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
- A beer wont raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
- If you mention a three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8 around a beer, it wont think youre talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.
- A beer wont whine that seatbelts hurt.
- A beer wont smoke in your car.
- A beer wont argue that theres no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.
- A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
- A beer will actually support belching and farting and share your enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona.
- A beer is always ready to leave on time.
- A beer never fishes for compliments.
- Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
- Beer tastes good.
- If you take a beer outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it, the beer wont accuse you of date rape.
- A beer wont raise any objections to an evening of watching John Holmes Greatest Hits on your VCR.
- An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
- A beer wont make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery store.
- A beer wont accuse you of lying when you say you read Penthouse just for the articles. (You are lying, but the beer wont accuse you of it).
- A beer wont worry that youll go to jail if you videotape a Giants game without the expressed, written consent of the National Football League.
- A beer wont fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with the excuse: But I saved a quarter!
- A beer will never make you go to a Swedish movie.
- A beer will never make you turn off Fists of Fury Theater on channel 5 on Saturday afternoons.
- A beer wont accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say Gene Hackman instead of Gene Hackperson.
- A beer wont make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like STP Oil Treatment.
- When youre through with a beer, the thought of another beer doesnt make you ill.