We, the People of the United States, in an Attempt to
help Everyone get along, restore some Semblance of Justice, avoid any more
Riots, keep our Nation safe, promote positive Behavior, & secure the
Blessings of Debt-free Liberty to our-selves &
our Great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more Time to ordain &
establish some Common-sense Guidelines for the terminally whiny, Guilt-ridden,
deluded, & other liberal Bed-wetters. We hold these Truths to
be self-evident, that a whole Lot of People are confus'd by the Bill of
Rights & are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
You do not have the Right to a new Car, big-screen TV or any other form of Wealth. More Power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is
ARTICLE II You do not have the Right to
never be offended. This country is bas'd on Freedom, & that
means Freedom for Everyone not just you! You may leave the
Room, turn the Channel, express a different Opinion, etc.,
but the World is full of Idiots, & probably always will be.
ARTICLE III You do not have the Right to
be free from Harm. If you stick a Screw-driver in your Eye,
learn to be more careful, do not expect the Tool-Manufacturer to make you & all your Relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV You do not have the Right to
free Food & Housing. Americans are the most charitable
People to be found, & will gladly help Anyone in Need, but we
are quickly growing weary of subsidizing Generation after
Generation of professional Couch-potatoes who achieve nothing more
than the Creation of another Generation of professional Couch-potatoes.
ARTICLE V You do not have the Right to
free Health-care. That would be nice, but from the Looks of public
Housing, we're just not interested in public Health-care.
ARTICLE VI You do not have the Right to
physically harm other People. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally
maim, or kill Someone, don't be surpris'd if the Rest of us want to
see you fry in the Electric-chair.
ARTICLE VII You do not have the right
to the Possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away
the Goods or Services of other Citizens, don't be surpris'd if the
Rest of us get together & lock you away in a Place where you
still won't have the Right to a Big-screen color TV or a Life of
ARTICLE VIII You don't have the Right
to demand that our Children risk their Lives in Foreign Wars to soothe
your aching Conscience. We hate oppressive Governments & won't
lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like.
However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire World & do not want
to spend so much of our Time battling each & every little
Tyrant with a Military Uniform & a funny Hat.
ARTICLE IX You don't have the Right to
a Job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, & will gladly help
you along in hard Times, but we expect you to take Advantage of the
Opportunities of Education & vocational Training laid
before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X You do not have the Right to
Happiness. Being an American means that you have the Right to
pursue Happiness which, by the way, is a Lot easier if you
are unencumber'd by an Over-Abundance of idiotic Laws created
by those of you who were confus'd by the Bill of Rights.