Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Fox Mulder:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

President Richard M. Nixon:

The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Jerry Seinfeld:

Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?”

Bill Gates:

I have just released the new Microsoft Chicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but it will lay eggs, file your important documents AND balance your checkbook.

Oliver Stone:

The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” but is rather, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”

Charles Darwin:

Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Charles Darwin:

It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Rev. Louis Farrakhan:

The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him and keep him down.

Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.:

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.


In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Niccolò Machiavelli:

The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Albert Einstein:

Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.


Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:

The chicken did not cross the road — it transcended it.

Ernest Hemingway:

To die. In the rain.

Colonel Sanders:

I missed one?

Pat Buchanan:

To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Tomás de Torquemada:

Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.

The Bible:

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Saddam Hussein:

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Dr. Seuss:

Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

O.J. Simpson:

It didn’t. I was playing golf with it at the time.

President Bill Clinton:

That depends on what your definition of the word “cross” is.
    Forwarded from Ryan Berse.