1. To avoid confusion, the staff reverts to referring to Madeleine Albright by name.
2. New “doggy door” makes it easier to sneak out for a midnight run to McDonalds.
3. At long last, the President doesn't have to flinch every time he hears “bad boy!”
4. The President is no longer the only one accused of burying his bone in someone else's back yard.
5. Accusations of crotch sniffing at the White House no longer automatically implicate the President.
6. An obviously angry Socks the Cat sent Kenneth Starr a note reading “Bil kilt Vyns Fosdr.”
7. Shouts of “come!” from the Lincoln bedroom no longer make the First Lady suspicious.
8. Pipe and slipper retrieval removed from Al Gore's daily to-do list.
9. Roger Clinton is no longer the only one to piddle in the Rose Garden.
10. Cries of “what a dog!” no longer make Janet Reno burst into tears at White House functions.
11. To the embarrassment of trainers, the dog still can't tell Al Gore from a tree.
12. “Get that horny furball off my leg!” no longer refers exclusively to the President.
13. Campaign donors staying overnight in the Lincoln Bedroom now find complimentary “Tootsie Rolls” on their pillows.