Bill Clinton One-Liners.

  • What California city can't Bill get off his mind lately?
    Scent o' Monica.

  • Did you hear Clinton is declaring a new National Bird?
    The Spread Eagle.

  • How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    None, they're too busy screwing the President.

  • What is Clinton's favorite toy?
    An Erector Set.

  • What is Clinton's favorite card game?
    Poker.

  • What is Clinton's worst nightmare?
    An intern with braces.

  • How did they finally bust Clinton?
    Monica finally coughed up the evidence.

  • During Nixon's administration we had a crisis involving "Tricky Dicky."
    Now we have a crisis involving "Licky Dicky."

  • What's Slick Willie's new nickname?
    President-erect.

  • What do the Nixon Whitehouse and the Clinton Whitehouse have in common?
    Two Dicks out of control.

  • Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky is now working for 7-11?
    She's endorsing the "Big Gulp."

  • Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
    He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.

  • Why does Clinton swim naked in the White House pool?
    He is trolling for interns.

  • What is Clinton's new Secret Service Code Name?
    Unibanger.

  • Why can't they prove anything in the Monica Lewinsky case?
    Because she swallowed the evidence.

  • How did Bill reply regarding questions of "coaching" Monica's testimony?
    "It wasn't words that I put in her mouth!"

  • What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?
    Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Clinton doesn't know the difference.

  • What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
    They were both upset when Bill finished first.

  • What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wished he had?
    A dead girlfriend and an ex-wife.

  • Have you heard about the new presidential limousine?
    It's called the Pervertible...the top goes up and the intern goes down.

  • What's the new press name for the latest Presidential scandal?
    Fornigate.

  • What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
    "Sat on the Presidential Staff."

  • What is the difference between Monica Lewinsky and a Hoover vacuum?
    Where the DirtBag attaches.

  • If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?
    Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.

  • Why did Monica Lewinsky accept an offer to work on the White House staff ?
    She didn't understand what STAFF he really meant.

  • What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
    We know how many went down on the Titanic.

  • How could President Clinton deny he had sex with Monica Lewinsky?
    Clinton claims it wasn't sex because, after all, she didn't swallow.

  • What's the most popular game at the White House?
    Swallow the leader.

  • If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with Clinton doing the same?

  • What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a greedy politician?
    Chelsea!

  • What movie does Bill Clinton show to seduce White House interns?
    Free Willy.

  • What's 12 inches long, 3 inches wide and hangs in front of an asshole?
    Bill Clintons' tie.

  • Why does Hillary Clinton wear high collared blouses?
    So you won't see her adam's apple move when Bill talks.

  • Wouldn't Monica be great in the "got milk" ads?
    Can't you just picture her with that little white moustache?

  • In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton", 86% replied, "Not again!"

  • After the Lewinsky story broke, Hillary asked Bill to comfort her with those three little words. Bill said, "EATIN' ain't CHEATIN'!"

  • Monica didn't get paid for working in the White House...she did it for a GAG!

  • The new favorite dish in the White House is the Clinton stew. One weenie in hot water.

  • Clinton has given up the Saxophone...instead he's learning how to play the whore-Monica.

  • Bill: "I didn't tell her to lie in the DEPOSITION...I told her to lie in THAT there position!"

  • Bill Clinton accused Monica of not following the partyline...He says she only paid lip service to it.

  • Clinton hired Johnny Cochran for his defense. The new line is..."If she spit, you must aquit!"

  • The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a beer at Bill Clinton during his morning jog. Fortunately, it was a draft, so he was able to dodge it.

  • Hillary just hired a new White House intern ... LORENNA BOBBIT!

  • Most people worry about getting AIDS from SEX. Bill worries about getting SEX from AIDES!

  • The President got a dog so that Hillary wouldn't be confused when she walked past the Oval Office and heard, "Roll over, sit, stay. Good. Now here's your bone."

  • Hillary's new book: "It Takes A Village/ To satisfy my husband."

    Forwarded from Ronald Poserina, Jr.