College News.

Dear Parent(s),

I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.

Please send:
Money (Cash)! Amount:
Food (Cookies)! Dozens:
Clean clothes!

Relationships:

What?
I am in love with myself
I am in love!
I am engaged
I got married last weekend

My Roommate:

Worships the ground I walk on
Gave me a black eye
Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason
Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ???
Has fleas

My Professors are:

Sadistic water walkers
Mental institution escapees
Brain dead nerds
Super oxygen thieves

Latest News:

I wrecked the car
I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit
You are going to have a grandchild
False alarm - you are NOT going to have a grandchild

Food:

Is great!
Even makes me appreciate your cooking
I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals

Health:

I have gained pounds
My roommate is in the hospital with meningitis
My HIV test was: Positive. Negative. (check only one)
I died yesterday!

Grades:

I am making all A's
I am not being properly challenged
I will be home after this semester

I study:

Night and day
All the time
80 hours a week
Only on Sunday afternoon
None of the above

Daily Devotions:

I read my Bible everyday
I can't read
Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars

On my last visit home, I left:

My glasses
My paper that was due yesterday
The clothes you washed for me
The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment
Other
Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue)

Laundry:

My white underwear is now
I am saving money by not using detergent
Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester
I hang my clothes out the window when it rains

My room:

Can pass your "white glove" test
Is only % full
Could not be located last Saturday night
Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training

Parties:

I don't inhale
I only go to meet people
Haven't been to one since this morning

Hope you:

Miss me
Can live without me
Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence

Salutation:

Your Daughter,
Your Son,
Yours,

Signature (Scribble if Pre-Med or Pre-Law).
Note: Witnesses are not required for your mark ("X").