Computer Glossary.

ACCESSA large painful boil on the chips from distant hacking.
ANSIA hacker who can't sit still.
ARRAYHacker's spontaneous exclamation when something works for a change. Rarely used.
ASCIIThe key to your girlfriend's apartment.
BASICSomething so simple you need a computer to understand it.
BAUD
RATE
Fee charged by loose women; usually $500 and up.
BI-DIRECTIONALA computer who swings both ways.
BUFFERA nude hacker.
BYTEShort for "BUY IT", usually in reference to peripherals.
CURSORA hacker on his way home from the computer store.
DEDICATED
WORD
PROCESSOR
A secretary who stays after 5:00.
DISK
DRIVE
A popular street in Cupertino.
DOUBLE
DENSITY
Really dumb.
ELECTRONIC
MAIL
The only kind delivered in less than a week.
EXPANSION
SLOTS
The extra holes in your belt.
FATAL
BUG
To have a Volkswagon drop on you.
FLOPPY
DISK
Serious curvature of the spine.
HEAD
CRASH
A collision with a Port-A-Potty.
HOLOGRAMGreeting from an elderly woman.
INTEGRATED
CIRCUIT
An electric bus with randomly seated black chips.
INTERPRETERSomeone you take with you to the computer store so you can understand the salesman; usually a 12 year old.
KEY
PAD
An apartment with a lock.
KEY
WORD
"Your place or mine?"
MACHINE
LANGUAGE
"Zoom," "Putt-Putt," "Chugga-chugga," "Whirr," etc.
MEMORYWhere data is placed prior to losing it.
MENUAn itemized list of ways to make a mistake on a computer.
NETWORKWhat a fisherman does when he's not fishing.
OFFICE
INFORMATION
SYSTEM
The word processor who knows the most gossip.
OHMWhere the 'eart is!
OUTPUT
DEVICE
A Word processor who can't say "NO!"
PLASMA
DISPLAY
A bloody nose.
PROGRAMA random collection of bugs.
READ/WRITE
HEAD
Men's room with a graffiti wall.
RUNNING
HEAD
One which needs the handle jiggled.
SILICONA foolish prisoner.
SKEWInterface between consenting computers.
SKEW FAILUREPremature calculation.
SOFTWAREWhat hackers wear under their hardware.
SOFTWARE
STORE
Frederick's of Hollywood.
STANDARD
OPERATING
PROCEDURE
The way nobody does it.
TAPE PUNCHA non-alcoholic drink that comes in a roll and sticks to your fingers.
TELEPACKA brewery that delivers.
TERMINAL
INTELLIGENCE
To be so smart it kills you!