Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an
airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16
A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old
friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two
practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.
A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety
record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the
use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial
Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial
accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered
minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room.
Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches
after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the
The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear
weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one
within city limits.
A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in
St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene,
fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to
complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.
Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years
on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the
250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to
50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the
copier with the shredder.
A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few
days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for
robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to
see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized
his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse
in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by
placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with
wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was
placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button
each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan,
refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the
man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so
the robber called the police and was arrested.
A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking,"
stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an
officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.
Forty-five-year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a
mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the
engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil
change. According to the police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize
that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.
Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a
Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain saw, which
was not plugged in.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King
in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a
food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerck said they weren't
available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, RI after allegedly
knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest 4 bags of money.
It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and
slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily
jumped him from behind.
The Belgium news agency, Belga, reported in November that a man suspected of
robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done it, "because he was
busy breaking into a school at the same time." Police then arrested him for
breaking into the school.
Dave so-and-so of Anniston, Alabama, was injured recently after he attempted to
replace a tubelike fuse in his Cheby pickup with a 22-caliber rifle bullet
(used because it was a perfect fit). However, when electricity heated the
bullet, it went off and shot him in the knee.
Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac,
Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the
officer didn't need a warrant because of a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket
could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing
the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it.
The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he
required a five-minute recess to compose himself.
Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a
cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of
their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the
machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared,
they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached
to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With
their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a
bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it
was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him
be arrested immediately.
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and
demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him
the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up
at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf,
the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a
"handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate
his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics
was found in the golf bag.
Germany: Oil of Olay no longer turning the trick for her, a woman
decided that she would bathe in the milk of a camel (a modern-day
Cleopatra). So she stole a camel from the local zoo (where *else*
can you find a camel when you need one?) and transported it back
to her house--where she realized that the camel's name was "Otto."
Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for
Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year-
old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2
years in jail.
Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600
in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he
provided the court a check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.
(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun,
announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his
head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours
and stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While
it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was
located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of
himself stealing the camera.)
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement
through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in
the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the
money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window
through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly.
So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal
a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a
refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup.
The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons
decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more*
walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house,
and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked
the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience
store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked
for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled--
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.