The 1997 Darwin Award Nominees.

It is once again time to vote for the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you know these nominees will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully).

You may recall last year's Darwin Award winner: The man who found out moments before making a 300 MPH dent in an Arizona cliff that the JATO (jet assist take off) unit he'd strapped to his car could not be turned off once it was turned on.

The winner for 1995 was the guy who was working on his motorcycle, drove it through the wall accidentally, blew himself off of the toilet bowl, and then was dropped by paramedics who laughed uncontrollably when his wife told them what happened.

And 1994's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. The 1997 nominees:

  1. Kalamazoo Gazette: Alamo, Michigan; April 1, 1995.
    James Burns, 34, of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police described as a "farm-type truck.." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

  2. Hickory Daily Record: Newton, North Carolina; December 21, 1992.
    Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith&Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

  3. Unknown.
    A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. He was ". . . a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas]." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.

  4. San Jose Mercury News: Lantana, Florida; May 18, 1993.
    A 24-year-old salesman from Hialeah, Fla., was killed near Lantana, Fla., in March when his car smashed into a pole in the median strip of Interstate 95 in the middle of the afternoon. Police said that the man was traveling at 80 MPH and, judging by the sales manual that was found open and clutched to his chest, had been busy reading.

  5. The News of the Weird: Charleston, South Carolina; January 29, 1996.
    Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously in 1989. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. In March 1989, sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

  6. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; January 1, 1997.
    On Jan. 1, 1997, Laurence Baker, also a convicted murderer once on death row, but later serving a life sentence at the state prison in Pittsburgh, Pa., was electrocuted by his homemade earphones as he watched his small TV while sitting on his metal toilet.

  7. The Indianapolis Star: Dunkirk, Indiana; December 4, 1996.
    A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzleloader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a .54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

  8. Associated Press: Mammoth Lakes.
    A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad, authorities said. Matthew David Hubal, 22, was pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's Department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from the lift towers, said Lieutenant Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It was not clear if the tower he hit was one with its pad removed.
    "With the cold temperatures, the snow was probably pretty fast," said Donnelly.

  9. Reuters: Warsaw, Poland; May 5, 1995
    A poacher electrocuting fish in a lake in central Poland fell into the water and suffered the same fate as his quarry, police said Thursday. The 24-year-old man was one of four who went fishing with a cable, one end of which they attached to a net and the other to a high-voltage electricity supply line, the PAP news agency quoted a police official in Wloclawek assaying. "For a while everything went according to the poachers' plan and they had fish in their bags. But at a certain moment the man holding the net tripped and fell into the water," the agency said. The other poachers tried in vain to revive him, it said.

  10. Associated Press: St. Louis, Missouri.
    Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it. Police found him unconscious in front of the store: paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death.

  11. Unknown.
    Poacher Marino Malerba shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock, and was killed instantly when it fell on him.

  12. Associated Press: Kincaid, West Virginia.
    A man at a party popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth and tongue, state police said Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during a party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D.Payne. “Another man had it in an aquarium, hooked to a battery, and was trying to explode it,” Payne said. “It wouldn't go off and this guy said, ‘I’ll show you how to set it off.’ I just can’t imagine anyone doing something like that.”

  13. Fort Worth Star-Telegram: Fort Worth, Texas; January 1, 1993.
    In December near Mineral Wells, Tex., three men who were attempting to steal copper wire off live electrical lines for resale were electrocuted. Copper wiring is a valuable scrap metal in Texas but is usually stolen from electric cables that are not being used.

Here are some people that may be future nominees or winners, but still haven’t made it to the "Big Leagues" The 1997 runners-up:

  1. United Press International: Portland, Oregon.
    Doctors at Portland’s University Hospital said Wednesday an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive, and will be released soon from the hospital.
    Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men’s rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants Pass, Ore.
    A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Roberts’ right eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have cut and Roberts would have died instantly.
    Neurosurgeon Dr. Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain, with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon.
    Said Roberts, “I feel so dumb about this.”
    No charges have been filed but the Josephine County district attorney’s office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.

  2. Calgary Sun: Calgary, Alberta, Canada; December 28, 1996.
    A man arguing over a love triangle accidentally shot himself in the groin, taking off his testicles and part of his penis. Police said the man was waving a .357 Magnum revolver around during the shouting match early yesterday. But when he stuffed it back in his pants the gun went off. Police were called to the hospital after the man in his 20’s was brought in by friends. Charges are pending against the victim, who is expected to survive.

    Forwarded from Dave Wisneski.