Dilbert's Laws of Work.

  1. If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
  2. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters away from a kick in the ass.
  3. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
  4. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
  5. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
  6. The more crap that you put up with, the more crap you're going to get.
  7. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  8. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
  9. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
  10. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit, no sense in being a damn fool about it.
  11. There will always be beer cans rolling around the floor of your car when your boss asks for a ride home.
  12. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
  13. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous".
  14. Never delay the end of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
  15. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
  16. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work s/he is supposed to be doing.
  17. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
  18. If you're good, you'll be assigned all the work. If you're really good, you will get out of it.
  19. You're always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
  20. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
  21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
  22. The authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
  23. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
  24. Following the rules will not get the job done.
  25. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
  26. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more readily by reducing it to the question "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
  27. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
  28. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.