Lets face it. English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins werent invented in England or French fries
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which arent sweet,
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers dont fing, grocers
dont groce and hammers dont ham? If the plural of tooth is
teeth, why isnt the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese.
So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices?
Doesnt it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend,
that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If
you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of
them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didnt preachers praught? If a vegetarian
eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a
letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to
an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send
cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on
driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise
man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be
opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they
are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful
gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever
run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable?
And where are all those people who are spring chickens or
who would actually hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which
your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form
by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which, of course, isnt a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch,
I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
Reminds me of the oxymorons. Jumbo shrimp, honest crook...