The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks hes
a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. When winter comes,
the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why
the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and
CBS, NBC and ABC show up and provide pictures of the shivering
grasshopper next to film of the ant in his comfortable home with a table
filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Then a representative of the NAAGB (The National Association for the
Advancement of Green Bugs) shows up on Nightline and charges the ant
with Green Bias and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim
of 30 million years of greenism.
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
cries when he sings Its Not Easy Being Green. Bill and Hillary
Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening News and tell
a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything they can for the
grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who
benefited unfairly during the greedy Reagan/Bush summers, or as Bill
refers to it, the Temperatures of the 80s.
Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the
Ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an
immediate tax hike on the Ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally the World Trade Organization drafts the Economic Equity and
Anti-Greenism Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant
is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and,
having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is
confiscated by the government. Hillary gets her old law firm to
represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the
case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from
a list of single-parent welfare moms who can only hear cases on Thursday
afternoon between 1:30 and 3:00 PM when there are no talk shows
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of
the ants food while the government house hes in -which just happens to
be the ants old house - crumbles around him since he doesnt know how
to maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow.
And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ants
food, they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding
group of Democrats announcing that a new era of Fairness has dawned in
The President FEELS OUR PAIN.