This story takes a little background: Ian works in a coffee, bagels and
sandwiches trailer on the campus of UNH. Vinnie is his boss and the
owner of the truck, and this actually happened. Ian is telling the
This declaration of the stupid award goes to a customer today. Below is
an approximate conversation with her.
Her: Yes, Id like a milk with some coffee in it.
Me: So, thats just a splash of coffee in a milk?
Her: No, a regular amount of milk, but not coffee.
Me: Is there more milk or coffee?
Her: Oh, definitely more coffee.
Me: So thats a coffee with some extra milk.
Her: Just the usual amount of milk.
Me: A coffee with milk.
Me: Anything else?
Her: A little extra milk, and do you have coffee with no caffeine?
Me: We do have decaf.
Her: No, I dont want decaf, just some coffee without the caffeine.
Me: Maam, thats what decaf meansno caffeine.
Her: Oh...then do you have milk with no caffeine?
Me: Milk doesnt come with caffeine.
Her: Yes it does.
Me: Not that I know ofwhere do you get your milk?
Her: It doesnt say caffeine-free on the milk, so it must have
Me: Oh, youre right. My mistakeI forgot that we only get the decaf
milk. No problem, we have only decaf milk. Anything else?
Her: Do you have any bagels?
Vinnie (who has been listening all along): Im sorry, maam, were all
out of decaf bagels.
Her: Oh, well, then Ill have one of those with sesame seeds.
Vinnie: Were all out, maam.
Her: Well, what are those [pointing at sesame bagels]?
Vinnie: Those are sesame donuts with extra caffeine added.
Her: I guess Ill just have the coffee. Do you take credit cards?
Me: No, maam; cash only.
Her: What about Visa?
Me: Is that a credit card?
Her: Well, yes.
Vinnie: Is it cash?
Vinnie: Then, no, we cant take it.
Her: What about checks?
Me: Cash, maam; nothing else.
Her: OK. How much is that?
Vinnie: Eleven dollars and 45 cents. [for a cup of coffee, if you
Vinnie: New war in Alaska is ruining the coffee business. Plus you
wanted the coffee with no caffeine; thats hard to find nowhad to
grow it myself.
Her: OK. [proceeds to write a check]
Vinnie: Please leave.
Vinnie: Youre raising my blood pressure. Leave now.
Her: But what about my coffee?
Vinnie: Leave and never return.
She leaves, but pays the $11.45 first. Im serious. Can a person get
more stupid than that?