- You and your girlfriend are both getting a lot of stress at your jobs.
It boils over one night at home in a huge fight. A few minutes into it you
realize that the fight is really about nothing and the stress is causing it.
- Stop, take a deep breath, and try to calm down.
- Let it run its course because the "make up" sex is awesome.
- Say, "Yeah, well you got a big ol' ass."
- You go shopping with your girlfriend and she drags you to store after
store where you have to wait while she tries on everything they have.
How do you get your revenge?
- Sleep with your back to her that night.
- Make her watch midget wrestling with you.
- You're holding her purse. Take some money out. You deserve it.
- Why did you and your last girlfriend break up?
- Irreconcilable differences.
- You cheated on her.
- She wouldn't swallow.
- Which of the following songs would you sing at a Karaoke bar?
- "Yesterday" by the Beatles
- "Louie Louie" by the Kingsmen
- "99 Bottles of Beer On The Wall"
- You're on the highway and there's an old man in front of you, going
really slow. You
- Wait until it's safe to pass.
- Flip him the bird as you go by.
- Honk your horn and flash your lights until he gets out of the
- You've gotta break up with a woman. What's your line?
- "It's not you, it's me."
- "Sorry, but it's just not working."
- Line? Just don't call her. She'll get the hint.
- Your boss takes you aside and says, "I've got good news and bad news.
The good news is that I'm giving you a promotion. The bad news is that
if you want it, you're going to have to fire Bob." You say..
- "I'm sorry. I can't accept the promotion."
- "Whoa, that's heavy. Can I think about this?"
- "Where's Bob?"
- One of your drinking buddies tells you he's checking into a hospital
to sober up. You say,
- "I'm really proud of you."
- "Hey, whatever."
- "Call me when you get out. We'll have a drink to celebrate."
- You've just parked your car at the bottom of a hill when you see an
out-of-control school bus come careening down from the top? What's your
- "How can I save them?"
- "Aww, those poor kids."
- "I better move my car."
- You're up late at night and see one of those "Save The Children"
commercials with Sally Struthers. You...
- Try to figure out how much you can afford to give.
- Try to figure out what else is on.
- Try to figure out how much you'd have to drink to make Sally
Struthers look good.
Scoring The Test -- Give yourself one point for every A, three points for
every B, and five points for every C. Total up the points and consult the
- 10-19 Points: Hey, congratulations, you're not a jerk. On the other hand,
are a wuss. Ethics, kindness, patience, meaningless gestures... You might
well wear a sign that says "kick me."
- 20-29 Points: You're basically a nice guy, but with minor jerk tendencies.
You're normal and you'll probably make a great husband for some
woman...someday when she stops dating jerks.
- 30-39 Points: You're basically a jerk, but with minor nice guy tendencies.
Tone down that self-centeredness a little. Try to occasionally think before
And if you can't do that... run for office. You'll feel right at home in
- 40-50 Points: Hey, asshole! Yes, you! Ass-hole! A-S-S-H-O-L-E! Asshole! On
behalf of everyone who scored lower than you... Asshole! When I look up
"asshole" in the dictionary, there's a picture of you. What? You think I'm
talking to the guy
behind you? No... you... Ass-hole! Asshole! Is it sinking in yet?