Unnatural Laws.

Airplane Law
    When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

Allison's Precept
    The best simple-minded test of expertise in a particular area is the ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that area.

Anderson's Law
    Any system or program, however complicated, if looked at in exactly the right way, will become even more complicated.

Anthony's Law of the Workshop
    Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
Corollary to Anthony's Law
    On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first always strike your toes.

Army Axiom
    Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.

Axiom of the Pipe. (Trischmann's Paradox)
    A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.

Baker's Law
    Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Barber's Laws of Backpacking
  1. The integral of the gravitational potential taken around any loop trail you choose to hike always comes out positive.
  2. Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.
  3. The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount of food you consume from it. If you run out of food, the pack weight goes on increasing anyway.
  4. The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.
  5. The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly proportional to the importance of the consequences of failing to find it.
  6. The size of each of the stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.
  7. The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as twilight approaches.
  8. The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the number of hours you have been on the trail.
  9. When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full.
  10. If you take your boots off, you'll never get them back on again.
  11. The local density of mosquitos is inversely proportional to your remaining repellent.

Barzun's Laws of Learning
  1. The simple but difficult arts of paying attention, copying accurately following an argument, detecting an ambiguity or false inference, testing guesses by summoning up contrary instances, organizing one's time and thought for study—all these arts—cannot be taught in the air but only through the difficulties of a defined subject. They cannot be taught in one course or one year, but must be acquired gradually in dozens of connections.
  2. The analogy to athletics must be pressed until all recognize that in the exercise of intellect those who lack the muscles, coordination and willpower can claim no place at the training table, let alone on the playing field.

Brook's Law
    Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Decaprio's Rule
    Everything takes more time and money.

Dijkstra's Law of Programming Inertia
    If you don't know what your program is supposed to do, you'd better not start writing it.

First Maxim of Computers
    To err is human, but to really screw things up requires a computer.

Forthoffer's Cynical Summary of Barzun's Laws
  1. That which has not yet been taught directly can never be ta ht directly.
  2. If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed.

Gallois's Revelation
    If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes back out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled, and no one dares to criticize it.
Corollary to Gallois's Revelation
    An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the Grand Fallacy.

Glib's Laws of Reliability
  1. Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
  2. Any system which relies on human reliability is unreliable.
  3. The only difference between the fools and the criminal who attacks a system is that the fool attacks unpredictably and on a broader front.
  4. A system tends to grow in terms of complexity rather than simplification, until the resulting unreliability becomes intolerable.
  5. Self-checking systems tend to have a complexity in proportion to the inherent unreliability of the system in which they are used.
  6. The error detection and correction capabilities of a system will serve as the key to understanding the types of error which they cannot handle.
  7. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, unlike detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
  8. All real programs contain errors unless proven otherwise, which is impossible.
  9. Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until somebody insists on getting some useful work done.

Golub's Laws of Computerdom
  1. Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid the embarrassment of estimating the corresponding costs.
  2. A carelessly planned project takes four times longer to complete than expected; if carefully planned, it will take only twice as long.
  3. The effort required to correct course increases geometrically with time.
  4. Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.

Goodin's Law of Conversions
    The new hardware will break down as soon as the old is disconnected and out.

Gordon's First Law
    If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.

Gray's Law of Programming
    N+1 trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as N trivial tasks.

Grosch's Law
    Computer power increases as the square of the costs. If you want to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times as fast.

Halpern's Observation
    The tendency to err the programmers have been noticed to share with other human beings has often been treated as if it were an awkwardness attendant upon programming's adolescence, which (like acne) would disappear with the craft's coming of age. It has proved otherwise.

Hoare's Law of Large Programs
    Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.

Howe's Law
    Every man has a scheme that will not work.

Laws of Computability as Applied to Social Science
  1. Any system or program, however complicated, if looked at in exactly the right way, will become even more complicated.
  2. If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set.

Laws of Computer Programming
  1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
  2. Any given program costs more and takes longer.
  3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
  4. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
  5. Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
  6. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
  7. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
  8. Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will discover that programmers cannot write in English.
  9. Software is hard; hardware is soft. It is economically more feasible to build a computer than to program it.
  10. An operating system is a poor attempt to include what was overlooked in the design of a programming language.

Paperboy's Rule of Weather
    No matter how clear the skies are, a thunderstorm will move in 5 minutes after the papers are delivered.

Segal's Law
    A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.

Shaw's Principle
    Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.

Troutman's Programming Postulates
  1. If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will malfunction.
  2. Not until a program has been in production for at least six months will the most harmful error be discovered.
  3. Job control cards that positively cannot be arranged in proper order will be.
  4. Interchangeable tapes won't.
  5. If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it.
  6. Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.

The Unspeakable Law
    As soon as you mention something...if it's good, it goes away; if it's bad, it happens.

Weinberg's Law
    If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy society as we know it.
Corollary to Weinberg's Law
    An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the Grand Fallacy.