REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 In direct response to accusations made by
the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that
it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America
for an undisclosed sum.
Its actually a logical extension of our planned growth, said
Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, It really is going to be a positive
arrangement for everyone.
Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the Oval Office of the
White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the
press that changes will be minimal. The United States
will be managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial
public offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal
government is expected to be profitable by Q4 1999 at
latest, according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.
In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had
willingly and enthusiastically accepted a position as a
vice president with Microsoft, and will continue to manage the United
States government, reporting directly to Bill Gates. When asked how it
felt to give up the mantle of executive authority to Gates, Clinton
smiled and referred to it as a relief. He went on to say
that Gates has a proven track record, and that
U.S. citizens should offer Gates their full support and
confidence. Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the
$200,000 annually he has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at
Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond
as silly, though he did say that he would make executive
decisions for the U.S. government from his existing office at
Microsoft headquarters. Gates went on to say that the House and Senate
would of course be abolished. Microsoft isnt a
democracy, he observed, and look how well were
When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was
proceeding, Gates said, We dont deny that discussions are
Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United
States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in
government services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ MSFT) is the worldwide
leader in software for personal computers, and democratic
government. The company offers a wide range of products and services
for public, business and personal use, each designed with the mission
of making it easier and more enjoyable for people to take advantage of
the full power of personal computing and free society every day.
About the United States
Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful
nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy
and opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C.,
the United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft
The United States of America and Microsoft are
registered trademarks of Microsoft Corporation.