Military Evaluations.

Actual lines out of U.S. Military OERs (Officer Efficiency Report):
  • Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
  • Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
  • A room temperature IQ.
  • Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
  • A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
  • A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
  • A prime candidate for natural deselection.
  • Bright as Alaska in December.
  • One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.
  • Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
  • Fell out of the family tree.
  • Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming
  • Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
  • He's so dense, light bends around him.
  • If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
  • If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
  • If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
  • If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
  • It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
  • One neuron short of a synapse.
  • Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
  • Takes him 1½ hours to watch 60 Minutes.
  • Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
  • Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Actual excerpts from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports:
  • His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
  • I would not breed from this officer.
  • He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
  • He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
  • This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
  • Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
  • She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
  • He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
  • Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
  • This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
  • This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.
  • When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
  • This officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

    Forwarded from Dave Wisneski and Lou Klein.