Actual lines out of U.S. Military OERs (Officer Efficiency Report):
Actual excerpts from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports:
- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
- Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasnt watching.
- A room temperature IQ.
- Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
- A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
- A prime candidate for natural deselection.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
- One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.
- Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
- Fell out of the family tree.
- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isnt coming
- Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
- He's so dense, light bends around him.
- If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
- If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
- If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
- It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
- One neuron short of a synapse.
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
- Takes him 1½ hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
- Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only
out of curiosity.
- I would not breed from this officer.
- He has carried out each and every one of his
duties to his entire satisfaction.
- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started
- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a
in a trap.
- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won't be.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change
whichever foot was previously in there.
- This officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.