This actually happened to this who guy lives in Westchester, NY,
and goes to school at Ithaca College.
For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from
Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never
had the courage.
Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters
up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner
plans for Saturday night.
Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks
like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape
that he can’t make it through twenty minutes without either
throwing up or using the bathroom.
After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he
is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn’t want to
cancel the date, because he’s afraid he won’t ever talk to her
again.
So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City,
about a 30 minute ride.
They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the
appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the
appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again during the
entrees.
They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels another
rumbling, but doesn’t want to look like a complete bathroom freak,
so he holds it.
After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit
of gas stored up. He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right
there at the table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately, this
little bit of gas came with another little surprise. “Oh crap,” he
thinks (and feels).
Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero immediately
leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this
surprise. He maintains this yoga position for the rest of dessert, trying to
figure out what to do before his tan pants either start to smell or
start to show stains on the outside.
He quickly pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant.
Oh, by the way, he is walking like a cowboy. On the way to the
Train station, they pass the Gap.
“Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at
last week?” he asks.
“No problem,” she replies. “I’d like to look around too,” she replies.
They go into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men’s fashions are
on the right, women’s fashions are on the left. They split up. Our
hero grabs the first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the
khakis.
After selecting a pair that most closely resemble his current
outfit, he brings both items to the register. His eyes are on his date, who is
still on the other side of the store, to make sure that she doesn’t see
him buying the pants. He doesn’t even want the sweater, so he says
through clenched teeth, just in case his date can read lips from 40
feet away, “Just the pants.”
“What?” asks the Gap girl.
“Just the pants!” His eyes are still trained on his date.
The Gap girl acquiesces, “Oh, OK.”
He pays for the pants and walks over to his date, and then they leave
the store. They board the train just before it leaves the station and
find two seats in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our
hero excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of the
car.
He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off
his pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them
out the window.
After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls
out...
just the sweater.