149 Guaranteed-To-Fail Pickup Lines.

  1. That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.
  2. Do you want to see something swell?
  3. Hey babe...do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
  4. Drop 'em!
  5. What do you like for breakfast?
  6. Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?
  7. Wanna fuck like bunnies?
  8. Say, did we go to different schools together?
  9. Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
  10. I had a friend who use to hand out phone cards that said: "Smile if you want to sleep with me." And watch them try to hold back their laugh.
  11. Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?
  12. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
  13. Would you like to dance or should I go fuck myself again?
  14. Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
  15. At the office copy machine. "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
  16. Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
  17. I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
  18. Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?
  19. Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley?
  20. Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum."
  21. Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? HEY! What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
  22. A women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?"
    You:
    "Do you have the energy?"
  23. Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?
  24. (if she has kids) Say mother, want another?
  25. Bond. James Bond.
  26. Hello love, do you spit or swallow?
  27. You look like the type of girl that has heard ever line in the book. So what's one more?
  28. Your place or mine?
  29. Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
  30. You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
  31. Would you like to have morning coffee with me?
  32. Your face or MINE!?
  33. "Are you ready to go home yet?"
  34. If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
  35. When she asks for a match. How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
  36. Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
  37. I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.
  38. Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
  39. Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
  40. I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
  41. I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
  42. I'd look good on you.
  43. Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?
  44. I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I have more of something else.
  45. I would kill or die to make love to you.
  46. Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
  47. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
  48. Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
  49. HI! Can I buy you a car?
  50. NOW, BITCH!
  51. Fancy a fuck?
  52. My face is leaving in 10 minutes. Be on it.
  53. Should I call you in the morning or nug you?
  54. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
  55. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?
  56. I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?
  57. Chicks dig me; I wear colored underwear.
  58. Excuse me, is it true that you're a sexual tyrannosaurus?
  59. That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.
  60. Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
  61. Look at the tag in her shirt and say: "I want to see if you were really made in heaven."
  62. Let's do breakfast tomorrow--should I call you or nudge you?
  63. You know what I like about you? My arms.
  64. I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen... On a Wednesday.
  65. Excuse me, why is your drink glowing?
  66. How did you achieve such a gaudy effect with only FDA-approved cosmetics?
  67. You're ugly, but you interest me.
  68. Screw me if I am wrong, but you want to fuck me, don't you?
  69. Do you believe in one-night-stands?
  70. With one touch, I could make you make sounds that only a dog could hear.
  71. If I said you have an ugly body, would you hold it against me?
  72. If I gave you a neglige for my birthday, would there be anything in it for me?
  73. If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
  74. I'm leaving this place... want to cum?
  75. I know this is going to sound like a line, but did that sound like a line? And are you dissapointed?
  76. Why you've got the whitest teeth I'd ever want to cum across!
  77. Who's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
  78. Ok, fuck me if I'm wrong, but I think you want to kiss me.
  79. I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk.
  80. Free mamograms, get your free mamograms here, get 'em while they're hot!
  81. Do you have a quarter? Too bad, becuase I need to call my mother and tell her that I found the woman of my dreams.
  82. Do you have a map? I just get lost in your eyes.
  83. That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
  84. Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.
  85. Are you religious? Good, because I'm the answer to your prayers.
  86. Do you have a boyfriend? Well, when you want a MANfriend, come and talk to me.
  87. Did it hurt? Woman: Did what hurt? When you fell out of heaven?
  88. Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on?
  89. You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?
  90. I am conducting a feel test of how many woman have pierced nipples?
  91. Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's
  92. Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
  93. Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us
  94. You smell wet. Let's Party.
  95. Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.
  96. Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.
  97. Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
  98. Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud' and say: Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize?
  99. I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting... Let's meet sometime...
  100. I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
  101. No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
  102. Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
  103. Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.
  104. Excuse me, do you live around here often?
  105. Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?
  106. What's your sign?
  107. You have the ass of a great artist.
  108. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
  109. Let's take a shower together --you smell.
  110. I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade
  111. If I was Elvis, would you screw me?
  112. Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew...
  113. Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)
  114. "Hey... somebody farted. Let's get out of here."
  115. "What was that?" "That sound." "It was the sound of my heart breaking."
  116. I need your help. I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
  117. Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.
  118. Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated.
  119. Do you like jewels? Well suck my cock, it's a GEM.
  120. Do you sleep on your front? Do you mind if I do?
  121. Do you want to go halves on a bastard?
  122. Have you ever played leap frog naked ??
  123. I'll bet you 10 bucks I could get all your cloths off in 30 seconds
  124. I'd like to rearrange the alphabet and put u and i together
  125. Since we shouldn't waste this day and age what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire
  126. Would you like to see me naked ??
  127. I lost my phone number can i borrow yours ??
  128. I was sitting here holding this cigarette and I realized I'd rather be holding you
  129. If your parents hadn't met I'd be very a very unhappy man right now
  130. Anything drugs can do I can do with my tongue
  131. Either way, I'm going to have you tonight, so you may as well be there.
  132. Wanna go halves in a baby ?
  133. Do you like chicken? Suck this it's foul!
  134. Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! D'ya wanna do lunch!
  135. Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? No! D'ya wanna go upstairs and talk!
  136. Holding out two fingers say, "why should women masturbate with these two fingers?" When they say, "I don't know", you say, "Coz they're mine sweetheart".
  137. I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.
  138. "Sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better?"
  139. The chick that usually sucks my dick has a shirt just like yours!
  140. You know, the woman I'd forget about for you is blonde, too!
  141. Do you eat pork ?
  142. "Hey, little girl, how 'bout a quick game of hide the weasal?"
  143. I'm sorry i'm an artist and it's my job to stare at beautiful women.
  144. Do you like beef? Well suck this, it's dripping.
  145. Mmm. You like to chew gum? Cop ahold a'this - it's WRIGGLY.
  146. You live around here often?
  147. Excuse me, can I borrow your bra?
  148. They must call you Milk, because you do a body good.
  149. That shirt on you is very becoming you. Of course, if I were on you I'd be coming too.