Yes, these are all real résumé bloopers.
- Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
- Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
- Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
- I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
- I am loyal to my employer at all costs ... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
- Note: Please dont miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have
never quit a job.
- Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
- Finished eighth in my class of ten.
REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
- I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.
- Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
- Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
- Responsibility makes me nervous.
- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every
morning. I couldn't work under those demanding conditions.
- Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well
- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
- They made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous jobs.
- I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
- While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I
am disposed that it be so oriented as to partially incorporate the
experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured to lead to the
application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major
sphere of responsibility.
- I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.
- Please call me after 5:30. I am self-employed and my
employer does not know I am looking for another job.
- My goal is to be a meteorologist. Since I have no training
in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
- I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.
- Its best for employers that I not work with people.
- You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
- Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.
SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:
- Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.
- Marital status: often. Children: various.
- Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
- As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
- I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
- Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
- Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.
- Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.
- Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.
- I'm a rabid typist.
- Instrumental in ruining an entire Midwest chain operation.
- References: None. Ive left a path of destruction behind me.