In order to insure the highest levels of quality in the work and productivity from our employees, it will now be our policy to regularly train everyone through our long-standing program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than other offices. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will immediately be placed on top of the S.H.I.T. list.

As you know, our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle. Employees who don't take S.H.I.T. will be placed in the DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.) Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to attend the supplemental program, EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since your managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to take S.H.I.T. anymore. Obviously, they are full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may qualify for the management training position, either giving S.H.I.T. to fellow employees or training others to take S.H.I.T. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.) Those of you that become skilled in B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs and may apply for a promotion to the position of DIRECTOR of INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).

If you have any questions, please direct them to HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)