ALABAMA:

Literacy ain't everything

Ya want fries wit' dat?

ALASKA:

Come freeze your butt off

11,623 Eskimos can't be wrong

ARIZONA:

Winter home to 150,000 snowbirds

Dehyd-rific!

ARKANSAS:

At least we're not Mississippi

Litterasy ain't everything

CALIFORNIA:

The Granola State

Nobody's actually from here

Fast reloading lanes available

The really long state

As seen on TV

COLORADO:

Too wimpy to cross the mountains so we stopped here

Official home of the winter ski bunny

If you don't ski, don't bother

CONNECTICUT:

Way too close to New York

Like Massachusetts, only dirtier and with less character

DELAWARE:

You'll need a map to find us

So close to Washington you can smell it

FLORIDA:

The Gunshine State

Elephant Graveyard; where the old Republicans go to die

Senior citizen discounts available

Ask us about our grandkids

GEORGIA:

Home of the Rednecks

Gateway to Florida

Confederate money welcome

We put the "Fun" in Fundamental Extremism

HAWAII:

Sure, we've got Interstates... drive on over

Book 'em Danno

Tom Selleck, Jack Lord, Don Ho - Paradise!

Come, get lei-ed

Haka tiki mou sha'ami leeki toru — (Death to mainland scum, but leave your money)

IDAHO:

Ain't nothing here

We don't care if you spell potato with an "e"

Land of a billion "eyes"

More than just potatoes...Well, okay, we're not, but the potatoes sure are real good

ILLINOIS:

Land of the voting dead

Gateway to Iowa

INDIANA:

Home of David Letterman

2 billion years tidal-wave-free

IOWA:

Just east of Omaha

It's easy to spell

Land of James T. Kirk

KANSAS:

First of the rectangle states

Hayfever capital of the Midwest

Dole slept here

There's no place like home

Ya want flat, we got flat

KENTUCKY:

Tobacco is a vegetable

We're all related

Gateway to Nashville

LOUISIANA:

We're not all drunk Cajun wackos, but that's our tourism campaign

Swim the beautiful Bayou

Cancer Alley's just a name, and names will never hurt you

MAINE:

Cheap lobster

For Sale

You can spit on Canada from here

MARYLAND:

A thinking man's Delaware

If it weren't for Washington, you couldn't find us

MASSACHUSETTS:

Our taxes are lower than Sweden's (for most tax brackets)

Home of the young girls from Nantucket, also the home of Ted Kennedy, hmmmm...

MICHIGAN:

First line of defense from the Canadians

Land of the free, home of the Buick

MINNESOTA:

For sale

Not Sweden, but we try to act like it

Sure beats Canada

MISSISSIPPI:

Come feel better about your own state

We're lucky we can spell it

Why would you want to come here?

MISSOURI:

Your Federal Flood Relief tax dollars at work

Gateway to Kansas

Here's mine, Show Me yours

We're better than Illinois

MONTANA:

Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, and very little else

We've got lots of 10'x10' shacks in the woods

It's where you're wanted.

At least our cows are sane.

NEBRASKA:

Ask about our State Motto Contest

More corn than Kansas

Go to Kansas, turn north

NEVADA:

Whores and poker

More weirdos than Alaska (warmer too)

2 words - Death Valley

3:5 you'll leave broke

We have our own nuclear testing site

NEW HAMPSHIRE:

Go away and leave us alone

Like Old Hampshire, only newer

About as exciting as Vermont

NEW JERSEY:

You want a %$#@!*& motto? I gotcher %$#@!*& motto right here!

You have the right to remain silent,

You have the right to an attorney...

Tell 'em Guido sent ya

NEW MEXICO:

Lizards make excellent pets

We have reservations

Alien Welcome Center - Roswell

NEW YORK:

At least we're not New Jersey!

We're more than a big city; we're a state

Like we CARE about a motto

English spoken here; sometimes

NORTH CAROLINA:

Tobacco is a vegetable

Five million people; Fifteen last names

We're bigger than South Carolina

NORTH DAKOTA:

Um... We have... um... dinosaur bones? Yeah, dinosaur bones!

The OTHER South Dakota

OHIO:

Don't judge us by Cleveland

Proud polluters of Lake Erie

We're easy to spell

OKLAHOMA:

Just like the play, only no singing

We're OK, you're NOT!

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto

OREGON:

Spotted Owl: It's what's for dinner

As pretty as California but not as weird

We're not named after a musical instrument

You can see the sunset from here

PENNSYLVANIA:

Cook with coal

Free lube job with oil change

RHODE ISLAND:

We're not really an island

Size ain't everything

Nobody famous came from Rhode Island

SOUTH CAROLINA:

Remember the Civil War? We didn't actually surrender!

Just south of North Carolina

SOUTH DAKOTA:

Closer than North Dakota

TENNESSEE:

The Educashun State

Thank goodness we've still got Elvis

A great fixer-upper

TEXAS:

Se Habla Inglés

See, EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas!

UTAH:

Our Jesus is better than your Jesus

At least our sheep can't talk

VERMONT:

Yep

Bet ya can't name 2 of our towns

VIRGINIA:

Who says government stiffs and slackjawed yokels can't mix?

Please don't confuse us with West Virginia!

WASHINGTON:

Help! We're overrun by nerds and slackers!

We like our state, so STAY OUT!

WEST VIRGINIA:

One big happy family. Really!

Where "family values" has a different meaning

WISCONSIN:

Come cut our cheese

Land of funny accents.

Say "Cheeeese"

WYOMING:

Wynot?

Where men are lonely and sheep are scared