...Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?!
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
"intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance
...With a Little Help from Our Friends!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman
who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them,
shouting pleas to come out and give himself up...
...And What Was Plan B?
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced
him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then
proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts...
...Some Days, It Just Doesn't Pay to Gnaw Through the Straps...
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that
destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly
installed fire prevention alarm system.
"This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner,
"when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money
in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the
store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police
showed up and grabbed him.
...Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery?!
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police
station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked
officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed
had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a
6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had
stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
...Have I Got a Deal for You!
More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly enough to
pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist flight to Mars. According to
the Italian police, the would-be space travelers were told to spend their
"next vacation on Mars, amid the splendors of ruined temples and painted
deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy the incredible
Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and marvel at the views. Trips to
the moon also available." Authorities believe that the con men running
this scam made off with over six million dollars...
In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his
college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many
business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this
may not have happened..."
...Did I Say That?!
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each
man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll
shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
...Are We Not Communicating?
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her
...Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold
up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his