The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked,
Whats on the TV? I said, Dust!
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then
God created man and rested. Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it
took four state troopers and a dog.
What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
About 5 drinks.
A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping
on Rodeo Drive and said I havent eaten anything in
four days. She looked at him and said, God, I wish I
had your willpower,
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two Mother-
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some
parts of Africa, a man doesnt know his wife until he
marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
A man inserted an ad in the classified: Wife
wanted. Next day he received a hundred letters. They
all said the same thing: You can have mine.
The most effective way to remember your wifes
birthday is to forget it once.
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way
to get laundry done for free.
Just think, if it werent for marriage, men would
go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided
attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Then there was a man who said, I never knew what
real happiness was until I got married; and then it was
A little boy asked his father, Daddy, how much
does it cost to get married? And the father replied,
I dont know son, Im still paying.
The bumper sticker read: I lost 250 pounds in one
day, I divorced her.
Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut,
and still think they are beautiful.