Why Some People Shouldn't Get Married.

  • If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
  • If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
  • If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
  • If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
  • If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (hey! it's the '90's!) he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.
  • If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
  • If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Monster.
  • If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
  • If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
  • If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.
  • How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.
  • If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny G., he'd be G. Ghali G.
  • Nog (Quark's brother on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes Dare.
  • If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale. (This one may take a little longer to get)
  • If Jack Handy (SNL writer) married Andy Capp, then married Jack Paar, then moved on to Stephen King, he'd be Jack Handy Capp Paar King.
  • If Javier Lopez married Keiko the whale, and Edith Piaf married Rose Tu the elephant, they would be Javier Keiko and Edith Tu.
  • If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.
  • If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur.
  • If Dolly Parton married Tommy Smothers, then went even further back in show business and married Mr. Lucky, then divorced and married Martin Short, then divorced and married football kicker Ray Guy, we could all nod understandingly when we heard, "Dolly Parton Smothers Lucky Short Guy."
  • If Tuesday Weld married Bobby Orr, then divorced him and married Rick Monday, then divorced him and married Ray Knight, then divorced him and married Frederick March III, she'd be Tuesday Orr Monday Knight March III.