• Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
• Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
• When giving directions, finish with “and it’s right down yonder on the left.” Confuses the mess out of ’em.
• Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they’re saying.
• Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.
• Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don’t have it, raise a ruckus.
• Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie -- John Michael -- Jim Bob. . .you get the idea)
• Address all males as “son” and females as “little lady”.
• Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It’s “Pah-kahn” not “Pee-can”.
• Put Tabasco on everything.
• For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say “Yo, I’m from upstate New Yoik!”, say “Well, I’ll be damned, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!”
• “Mash” buttons. “Cut” off lights. “Carry” the kids to school.
• Never simply “do” something. Be “fixin to do” something.
• Call ’em a yankee. Works every time.