After French President Jacques Chirac declared, "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure":
As far as France is concerned, you’re right.
When asked who he considered the greatest generals:
1769 — 1821
That’s a good question. Let me try to evade you.
Senator Paul Tsongas
1941 — 1997
When asked by defense attorney Kerry Lawrence how he found defendant Alan Walker's home address:
As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
1919 — 2011
When asked how many husbands she has had:
You mean, other than my own?
Zsa Zsa Gabor
When asked what would be the first thing he would do if he won the 1965 New York City mayoral race:
Demand a recount.
William F. Buckley, Jr.
1925 — 2008
Upon being told that the Antichrist had been born, but was only three years old:
Then I shall leave the problem for my successor to deal with.
Pope Benedict XIV
1675 — 1758
Upon being told the amount of his fine for spitting at an umpire:
It was a little more than I expectorated.
1910 — 2001
When asked what he would want with him if marooned on a deserted island:
When asked how it felt to turn eighty:
Pretty good, considering the alternative.
1888 — 1972
Seven out of ten people suffer from hemorrhoids. Does this mean that the other three enjoy it?
When asked what wine he liked to drink:
That which belongs to another.
412 — 320? B.C.
Upon being told by William Gladstone, "I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease":
That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.
Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli
1804 — 1881
White House Butler, to Prime Minister Winston Churchill, who asked if Fields would defend him against claims that he was a teetotaler:
Mr. Prime Minister, I’ll defend you until the last drop.
When asked by a Canadian customs agent if he had anything to declare:
Sure. I’m proud to be an American.
Upon being asked "How many people work in the Vatican?":
Pope John XXIII
1881 — 1963
When asked by reporters to confirm pitcher C.C. Sabathia's claim that he injured his back after sleeping awkwardly:
I don’t know. I didn’t sleep with him.
Former St. Louis Cardinals outfielder, when introduced to Pope Pius XII:
We have a lot in common. I also used to be a Cardinal.
1911 — 1975
To Clare Boothe Luce, who had held a door open and said, "Age before beauty":
Pearls before swine.
1893 — 1967
After a student had handed in an exam having written, "Only God knows the answer to your question. Merry Christmas.":
Happy New Year. God gets an A, you get an F.
1865 — 1943