The repository contains 104 quotes in the category “Funny.”
Showing quotes 21 through 40 in the category “Funny.” Page 1 2 3 4 5 6.
If it weren’t for the killings, Washington would have one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
Mayor Marion Barry
1936 —
I am going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Jerome Bettis
1972 —
Remember, I taught Bill and Hillary Clinton when they were at Yale. Let me rephrase that. Bill and Hillary Clinton were in the room when I was teaching at Yale.
Judge Robert H. Bork
1927 —
People often say, “Why me?” I say, “Why not me?”
The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.
Salvador Dalí
1904 — 1989
Last night I neglected to mention something that bears repeating.
Ron Fairly
1938 —
I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.
Richard P. Feynman
1918 — 1988
How can you be in two places at once when you’re not anywhere at all?
Before being executed in Oklahoma's electric chair:
How about this for a headline for tomorrow’s paper? French fries.
James French
1936 — 1966
If you water it and it dies, it’s a plant. If you pull it out and it grows back, it’s a weed.
Gallagher
1947 —
If you go back in time, don’t step on anything.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I’ll waste no time reading it.
Moses Hadas
0 — 1966
It’s not the winning that counts, nor the taking part; it’s making fun of the little fat kid who always comes in last.
A friend in need is a pest.
Bobby “The Brain” Heenan
1944 —
Imagine if there were no hypothetical situations.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.
People that live in glass houses should dress in the basement.
My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.
My mother said to me, “If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.” Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Pablo Picasso
1881 — 1973
If you don’t find it in the Index, look very carefully throughout the entire catalogue.
Showing quotes 21 through 40 in the category “Funny.” Page 1 2 3 4 5 6.
