Christmas is a time when everyone wants his past forgotten and the present remembered!
After hearing two eyewitness accounts of the same accident, you begin to wonder about history.
It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class.
Build a man a fire and he’s warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life.
Two heads are better than one. Unless they’re on the same body.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words ... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and decreased work-related efficiency.
I must be wishing on someone else’s star because it seems someone else is always getting what I wished for.
It is not enough that I succeed. Others must fail.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an orange.
Is life worth living? That depends on the liver.
To err is human; to pass air is also human.
Does a kangaroo get irritated when its baby eats his crackers in bed?
Metallurgy: the study of how to keep people from being allergic to metals.
There’s not enough sax and violins on television.
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.
Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Depend on the rabbit’s foot if you will, but remember it didn’t work for the rabbit.
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
1925 — 2005
If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals; you will run out.
1968 — 2005
If the people of New Zealand want to be a part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands and push them closer.