Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee who has a deep suntan, a one-iron in his bag, and squinty eyes.
If you’re drunk, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
1917 — 1995
One percent of ballplayers are leaders of men. The other ninety-nine percent are followers of women.
1873 — 1934
We’re not athletes, we’re baseball players!
On Albert Belle:
Very few people will bother to say goodbye to a guy who almost never said hello.
Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I’m very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.
1913 — 1981
I knew it would ruin my arm, but one year of 25-7 is worth five of 15-15.
To Kenneth Clarke, who said, "Isn’t it terrible about losing to the Germans at our national sport?" when England lost to Germany in the 1990 World Cup Semifinal:
I shouldn’t worry too much; we’ve beaten them twice this century at theirs.
Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher
1925 — 2013
You don’t know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two in your pocket.
The best thing about baseball is that you can do something about yesterday tomorrow.
Chicago is the city of broad shoulders and narrow trophy cases.
Chicago Cubs fans are ninety percent scar tissue.
Football combines the two worst features of American life: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings.
Jogging is for people who aren’t intelligent enough to watch television.
Sports do not build character, they reveal it.
1910 — 2010
Gosh, all a kid has to do these days is spit straight and he gets forty thousand dollars to sign.
1867 — 1955
After Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe divorced:
It proves no man can be a success in two national pastimes.
1906 — 1972
If winning isn’t important, why keep score?
There comes a time when you’d rather injure your body than injure your pride.
The race is not always to the swift but to those who keep on running.