|Born||September 12, 1880|
|Died||January 29, 1956|
Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.
Evil is that which one believes of others. It is a sin to believe evil of others, but seldom a mistake.
Hope is a pathological belief in the occurrence of the impossible.
An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
A celebrity is one known to many persons he is glad he doesn’t know.
Remorse: Regret that one waited so long to do it.
Suicide is a belated acquiescence in the opinion of one’s wife’s relatives.
Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body.
As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft.
Historian: An unsuccessful novelist.
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
When a woman says she won’t, it is a good sign that she will. And when she says she will it is an even better sign.
No matter how much a woman loved a man, it would still give her a glow to see him commit suicide for her.
The honeymoon is the time during which the bride believes the bridegroom’s word of honor.
Jealousy is the theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.
The first kiss is stolen by the man; the last is begged by the woman.
Wealth: Any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.
If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier. And a good deal more foolish.
Alimony: The ransom that the happy pay to the devil.
Temptation is the woman’s weapon and the man’s excuse.