|Born||September 12, 1880|
|Died||January 29, 1956|
A bachelor is one who wants a wife, but is glad he hasn’t got her.
Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner’s inquest.
Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
No man is ever too old to look at a woman, and no woman is ever too fat to hope that he will look.
Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn’t they’d be married too.
The smarter a politician is, the more things he believes and the less he believes any of them.
Judge: A law student who marks his own examination papers.
Fine: A bribe paid by a rich man to escape the lawful penalty of his crime.
Osteopath: One who argues that all human ills are caused by the pressure of hard bone upon soft tissue. The proof of this theory is to be found in the heads of those who believe it.
Consience is the mother-in-law whose visit never ends.