Politicians are people who get sworn in and then cursed out.
Teenagers are people who act like babies if they’re not treated like adults.
An argument is two people trying to get in the last word first.
These days the meaning of “a faithful husband” is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.
If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.
Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.
A gossip columnist is someone who uses dirt to make a mountain out of a molehill.
A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.
The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.
Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.
America is a land which fought for freedom and then began passing laws to get rid of it.
The dollar will never fall as low as what some people will do to get it.
We’re living in an age where lemonade is made with artificial ingredients and furniture polish is made with real lemons.
Today, too many workers spend their time trying to make their weekends meet.
The same parent who tells you it’s time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.
The distance between many people’s ears is a block.
The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name the streets after them.
If banks are so good with numbers, why are there always eight windows and three tellers?
It’s a good idea to save your money. One day it might be worth something again.
How is it that people looking for a helping hand tend to overlook the one at the end of their own arm?