Jim's Favorite Famous Quote, Quip, Axiom, and Maxim Repository
MAD Magazine
MAD Magazine
MAD Magazine.
American humor magazine famous for its parodies of movies and television shows, satires of politics and pop-culture, and for its gap-toothed mascot Alfred E. Neuman. Founded by William M. Gaines and Howard Kurtzman in 1952 as a comic book entitled "Tales Calculated to Drive You Mad."

The repository contains 53 quotes from MAD Magazine.
Showing quotes 21 through 40 from MAD Magazine. Page 1 2 3.


These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there are more hoods than neighbors.


The reason many people are lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.

Food and Drink

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

Politics and Government

America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign.


A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course.

Media and News

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

Doctors and HealthFunny

A plastic surgeon’s office is the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose.

FreedomPolitics and Government

The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard.

Food and Drink

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget is the same size.


A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa.


Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime.

Doctors and Health

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease.

Doctors and Health

The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.


Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

Doctors and Health

Any dentist who says “This won’t hurt a bit” is lying through your teeth.


Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.


Most people don’t mind a hard day’s work, just as long as they’re not in that day.


Nepotism is when the corporate ladder is built from the lumber of your family tree.


Parents treat their kids like teeth: they only try bonding once irreparable damage has been done.


If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

Showing quotes 21 through 40 from MAD Magazine. Page 1 2 3.