Steven Wright
| Born | December 6, 1955 New York, New York |
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The repository contains 17 quotes from Steven Wright.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody’s satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV’s all over the world.
I’m addicted to placebos. I’d give them up, but it wouldn’t make any difference.
My secret to staying young: Having no sense of time.
