Jim's Favorite Famous Quote, Quip, Axiom, and Maxim Repository
Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Wright.
BornDecember 6, 1955
New York, New York
Comedian. Best known for quirky one-liners given in a soft, slow, monotone voice.

The repository contains 17 quotes from Steven Wright.

Doctors and HealthFunny

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Money

When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.

MemoryRight and Wrong

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ambition

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Science and Technology

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Anger

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Punctuality

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Knowledge

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some donít have film.

Optimism and Pessimism

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Work

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Recreation

Thereís a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.

Optimism and Pessimism

When everythingís coming your way, youíre in the wrong lane.

FunnyIntelligence

Since light travels faster than sound, isnít that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

FunnyTime

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Funny

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebodyís satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TVís all over the world.

Doctors and HealthFunny

Iím addicted to placebos. Iíd give them up, but it wouldnít make any difference.

TimeGrowing Old

My secret to staying young: Having no sense of time.